I was trying to think of what are those few things " which are a more of a never do on my list" before i am " baghwan ko pyaare" .. here it rolls now...
for starters..... Never eat Vada pav..... esp in mumbai ...( sorry baccha log... my lil brain cant comprehend some stale bonda in dry bun!!!!!!)
then.... i would never recommend .. Parmanese cheese... in italian.... actually in anything....
never eat... Masala dosa in wanna be multi - cuisine restaurants on the way up north....
Never travel without prior booking to Bangalore from Chennai.... coz you cannot stand in KMBD bus stop let alone buy a ticket... Phew... kodos to the 20000 few who do it every day....
Never ask an accountant what he does.... i have till date never got a modest answer that ends in 20 seconds..... if you are one of those who dont suffer from a complex... trust this is the guy you should meet.... you will feel as big as your lil finger..
Never ask the IT helpdesk to resolve a query on a software that he can spell or ask him to add an additional feature to an existing access..... On this one.... the worst is when you give a model id to be mirrored... you are in soup!!. the poor modeller looses all his access and you get access to everything but what you requested for!!! ( i know ..... not all are IITians you see)
Never ask a guy if he likes it better here than delhi ... OMG .. you will get a Hoarse voiced Dilip Kumar+ Shatrugan Sinha (Eastman colored) double version of " Arreee yaar..... Dilli toh dilli hai yaar, yeh toh kuch bhi nahin.... hamare dilli mein toh sab kuch milta...arrghhh what???? can u say it in english pls... " arre wahi toh bol raha hoon???" listen na.... :)
Never Tell a guy while you are travelling abroad... you are Asian... see you always wanna stick to detail.... INDIAN.. or the next obvious look is " Do u know Osama???"
Never travel in US of A land of dreams.... without learning how to drive a car, rent a car, sit in a car, borrow a car and browsing the IE.... Everything that is that you need is your car..... or on the click of a button... sittin in your hotel!!! Now you can venture out... in the Metros and Buses... as long as you 3 times your size to match anyone who fights you.... you know just incase they demand a Dollar!!!
Never ask your manager ... why your hike is = or > PEE- NUTSS!! Your will be dazzled by his conviction to prove you wrong that you will see the 199.99 Rupees increase in your CTC ( mind you we still have TDS) as a blessing in disguise.... It can get technical..with economic reasoning on poverty line, Inflation,. recession... Bell curve.... dynamic approach..then can run through... some ready to use MTR recipes of " Virtual trainings to be completed" , " ##$%$%^^ personal skills to manage team and handle issues" proudly promoted by the overheads called " HR & training team" .... so you know... You are now regreting that your sal has increased only by 196.93 rs ( remainder in buying TIGER BALM) for the free gyaan Mr. Hari Sadu gave!!!
Never attempt an CAT, GMAT or GRE post classes forum discussion.... trust me all the first benchers from every single class and school is there to make you feel... " what on earth was i doing when i was 23 yrs old? "
Never ask anyone other than south indian to call you by name.. the north will kill it, firangs will slaughter it!!!
Never say the word " Free" or Even say " Dubai" to a guy who speaks malayalam... trust me you dont want to see.... a ration card queue. standing there and competing to talk in the same tone,accent,diction..
Never refill cool drinks with water ...during your hotel stays.... " you know they are surprisingly over smart" you cant beat that!!!
Never think of buyin a house in chennai... " It is expensive....oops sorry that was Exorbitant!!!" seriosuly this beats their Auto price shocks as well.
Never ask for Vindalooo .. dishes abroad.. " basically it is a lame attempt to make you food spicy coz you are Indian by merely spraying raw chily powder on it"
Never buy TOBLERONE .. they all know there is a super bargain store you visited with local junta in national market/ avenue road.. and are pretending it is from the International terminal...
Never say coffee in any coffee shop outside India.... It is simply strong first dikaashan..... mom makes .... without sugar and milk.... and if you want sugar ( like sweet n low or equal.... will save your pride) .. sneak it in slowly or else you will get strange " oh you should be on ATKINS diet" look!
Never miss the Spring/ Autumn/ Summer sales in Lifestyles,westsides, Shoppers stop and the other far fetched " Hi society " shopping centres.... trust me you get all the discounts you want for the designer clothes... at their actual price they should be tagged initially.. you miss one... and the other one goes on a sale- spree...:)
Never miss the free " Bakshanam" in Iyer weddings..... you cannot match the kai- murruku circles they have... and the taste is better than any A2Bs and sarvanas '''' Bhavan...
Never stop Bargaining.... cheap thrills i know....
Never ask women for directions..... ( cmon ladies ...there is a limit to equality in society and all ... just keep it off the roads!!!)
Never say you are sick on a monday ( coz may be with the stars above ...your colleague is in the next interview slot.... ;)
Never ever watch RGV movies.. I hear he beats his own record of huge budget idiocracy..
Never miss an Aamir movie...
Never miss Hot chocolate fudge ...in Com street by lanes... for 35 rupees...
Never miss the Vidhyarthi bhavan dosa.. and the Food street..... yummmmmmmmm
Never miss the ride in the London tubes. and the Egg pilav rice in 'shakira' ... in Dublin for 3 euros!!!
Never miss the dessert treat - " Tiramisu" in UK ..you get a bucket full in ASDA for jsut a few pounds... 2 or 3 may be...
Never fly KLM .... luggage capacity is always low... and they never smile.. i know pretty and all... but you still burn your pockets for excess baggage!
Never try GM diets and the hazaar VLCCs..... Vibes and the other million ... centres to shed a few kilos.. it is " Commercialised Hypnotism" which disillussions a few people with extra pounds!!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
2010 Memory Lane........
A lazy week day afternoon.... I sit here at work wondering if only we could rewind a few moments in the past.....
a few thoughts trickle here....
Can i be at my friend's place on time 5:30 as promised for chai and bhajjis without Airtel subscription... Zuzus from Vodafones????
Can I wait patiently to but tickets for movie with friends... bunking sanskrit classes to watch QSQT or Roja instead of paying extra 30 for buyin it online from warmyourbottomintheseatandgainweight.com
Or buy softy one single flavour ( vanilla) for desert instead of flavours from Moven pick or Richie rich ... where most flavours I cant even pronounce?
Can I watch doordarshan..... and save sundays 11:00 a.m. for Mahabharath followed by duck tales and Mr Uncle scrooge ..... instead of American Idol ... Inst that Ideal now:)
Is it ever possible to have kaaka kaday chai instead of CCDs and Barista's overprice cafe ...
Can I still sell News papers to raddi waaala and buy cassette to listen to latest Hits 1992!!
Can BSA cycles be famous again..... with all the Nanos coming in!!!
Can we just have FDs and good old Banks ..instead of SIPs, Mutual funds, Derivatives... equity investments... and other hazaar venues to gamble your money on..
Can I take an auto to the nearby station at minimum of 5 rs... and gold at 350/ gm...
can I ever see a 15 paise post card in my house...
Can I play Housie -housie on New years eve at the apartment terrace organised by oldies in the colony???
Can i treat my friends for having passed in my Economics exams... at Gullu's chat or Niligiris... with just kachoris.. Can I discuss "Nancy drew" and "Sweet valley's " anymore with anyone?
Can I Rag the freshers at the front drive in college...and not get caught ..like ever...
Can we ever enjoy a wedding for 3 full days... of great food and Fun with no interruption from your boss who wants you back to finish some review or a month end close!!
Is it really getting complicated and techie ..or is it that 24 hrs is no enough a day!!!
a few thoughts trickle here....
Can i be at my friend's place on time 5:30 as promised for chai and bhajjis without Airtel subscription... Zuzus from Vodafones????
Can I wait patiently to but tickets for movie with friends... bunking sanskrit classes to watch QSQT or Roja instead of paying extra 30 for buyin it online from warmyourbottomintheseatandgainweight.com
Or buy softy one single flavour ( vanilla) for desert instead of flavours from Moven pick or Richie rich ... where most flavours I cant even pronounce?
Can I watch doordarshan..... and save sundays 11:00 a.m. for Mahabharath followed by duck tales and Mr Uncle scrooge ..... instead of American Idol ... Inst that Ideal now:)
Is it ever possible to have kaaka kaday chai instead of CCDs and Barista's overprice cafe ...
Can I still sell News papers to raddi waaala and buy cassette to listen to latest Hits 1992!!
Can BSA cycles be famous again..... with all the Nanos coming in!!!
Can we just have FDs and good old Banks ..instead of SIPs, Mutual funds, Derivatives... equity investments... and other hazaar venues to gamble your money on..
Can I take an auto to the nearby station at minimum of 5 rs... and gold at 350/ gm...
can I ever see a 15 paise post card in my house...
Can I play Housie -housie on New years eve at the apartment terrace organised by oldies in the colony???
Can i treat my friends for having passed in my Economics exams... at Gullu's chat or Niligiris... with just kachoris.. Can I discuss "Nancy drew" and "Sweet valley's " anymore with anyone?
Can I Rag the freshers at the front drive in college...and not get caught ..like ever...
Can we ever enjoy a wedding for 3 full days... of great food and Fun with no interruption from your boss who wants you back to finish some review or a month end close!!
Is it really getting complicated and techie ..or is it that 24 hrs is no enough a day!!!
Monday, March 29, 2010
NO reservations please
For a while now( here i mean since my birth) I have never been able to deter the merrily classified society..... Either it is the gender, colour, status or simply they way you speak or that you eat only vegeterian food!!!
I have been fortunate to travel around a bit and i can only see more of this truth unravel into a way of life for many!!!!
When you are kid you are given strict instructions to score a 99.98% ( Thank god the parents spared a few 0.002 s for Human error!!!) simply because you belong to a " General pool" Catergory and you happen to be one of those million aspirants to get into a college with a "Free seat" as you cannot apply for a reservation.Phew!!! (All those who have waited long enough in queues in Eng colleges and those who sweated it out at the CET cell can recon a memory or two here... I am sure)..
Or you have spent days staring and giving an awkward smile when the rest in the group discuss TV channels you havent even heard off.... coz all you know is chitrahaar and Byomkesh Bakshi( Coz where was the money for Cable TV man.)
I remember a few grunts to spell out that I am a south Indian and not a Marwaadiii ( coz i happen to be a wee bit fairer and fatter).... and that the whole of south India is not "Madrasi" but is quite a Geography lost on a fair number( could be literal here).
Even better you are told why there is vivid difference b/w the sub casts who wear "naamam" and wear "vibhuti" ... apparently the difference being Iyer and Iyengar...
Instances when you have to explain to the store guy why it is important that you get a size bigger than XL when he passes on a " Hopeless stare" .........
Remember tellin a few from other origin that 'Yes' we can speak English without an MTI although we are from the " Land of Snakes" or "oh you donno what you are missing eating this Ghaas poos..." or when you have to squeez a look to say " I am Indian" at the Immigration just because you belong to the big Universal set called "Asia". ( I am sorry about September 11 too!!!)
Isnt there enough already... countries, states, north to south , Men to women, older generation to the so called " youth" ...Mercedes and BTS bus ( Red buses that i remember of the good old Bangalore) , A/c and Non- A/c , Without ticket to Shatabdi, Satya paul to kanchivaram, Jimmy choo to Seconds sale in Bata......
I have been fortunate to travel around a bit and i can only see more of this truth unravel into a way of life for many!!!!
When you are kid you are given strict instructions to score a 99.98% ( Thank god the parents spared a few 0.002 s for Human error!!!) simply because you belong to a " General pool" Catergory and you happen to be one of those million aspirants to get into a college with a "Free seat" as you cannot apply for a reservation.Phew!!! (All those who have waited long enough in queues in Eng colleges and those who sweated it out at the CET cell can recon a memory or two here... I am sure)..
Or you have spent days staring and giving an awkward smile when the rest in the group discuss TV channels you havent even heard off.... coz all you know is chitrahaar and Byomkesh Bakshi( Coz where was the money for Cable TV man.)
I remember a few grunts to spell out that I am a south Indian and not a Marwaadiii ( coz i happen to be a wee bit fairer and fatter).... and that the whole of south India is not "Madrasi" but is quite a Geography lost on a fair number( could be literal here).
Even better you are told why there is vivid difference b/w the sub casts who wear "naamam" and wear "vibhuti" ... apparently the difference being Iyer and Iyengar...
Instances when you have to explain to the store guy why it is important that you get a size bigger than XL when he passes on a " Hopeless stare" .........
Remember tellin a few from other origin that 'Yes' we can speak English without an MTI although we are from the " Land of Snakes" or "oh you donno what you are missing eating this Ghaas poos..." or when you have to squeez a look to say " I am Indian" at the Immigration just because you belong to the big Universal set called "Asia". ( I am sorry about September 11 too!!!)
Isnt there enough already... countries, states, north to south , Men to women, older generation to the so called " youth" ...Mercedes and BTS bus ( Red buses that i remember of the good old Bangalore) , A/c and Non- A/c , Without ticket to Shatabdi, Satya paul to kanchivaram, Jimmy choo to Seconds sale in Bata......
Mind you I am not one of those liberalist saying " we shall not tolerate this anymore and all" ....ALL I SAY is....." LIVE and LET LIVE!!!!" :)
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