Thursday, July 1, 2010

‘Hippo’-critical and P-h-e-w ‘Insecurities’!!!

I have been meaning to write something more serious a note this time as what am about to write is evolving a new pattern emerging amidst the so called New age youth.
More often than not you get advices when you are actually only seeking some empathetic tone of words to cheer you up from a muddle.
Typical cliché Monologues like – “ I knew this long distance never works out”
“ How can you be so immature?” …
“ I always knew he was a jerk? I just thought you would figure out sooner than later”
“ Oh you don’t know what you are missing being vegetarian?”
“ Oh that’s not the right usage of the word?”
“ Ha you shouldn’t be eating at all!!!”…
The best advice comes to you when it is most inappropriate- a- situation!!!
I am sure many of you would agree with the topic I am about to throw light on – Obesity, weight and the other ‘FATTY” nuances………
It’s almost never that I can have a peaceful meal when people known to me for years… from school or college or Infancy stage or some strange “ Hi- hello fellas at work” have to comment about my eating…. What is annoying is that the Myth they carry! And generally people love boasting about is you shouldn’t eat if you are Fat / obese / over weight!!!!!!!!
“I am sorry did you just do a P.H.D or do you have ancestral knowledge inherited on Nutrition????” is my reaction to that. What people don’t realize or shy away from is that – such questions and mockery remarks may have some effect on people who are sensitive about their weight!!! For e.g. Your’s truly…. Most of the people who I share even a basic acquaintance, let alone my close family and friends know I am suffering from a medical condition and actually the root cause isn’t the diet… but a far more serious issue.
However… it baffles me every time to bump into a few of them known to me for donkey’s years that the ‘Ice breaker’ question or Remark is me being overweight, or few chuckles about calling me fat and other such adjectives…. Gosh…. I am tempted to ask them- “ Is this the commonality you want to share in a conversation?”.. I reserve it to myself realizing that by and large a more hypocritical behavior so no one else comments on their appearance or the Spot light be taken away from them… or simply in the attempt to make someone the Butt-of-ridicule so it easies a tense situation or an awkward moment of pause or silence… I remember one instance at my previous job where some one was laughing about me eating a fruit bowl at the cafeteria…. Errrrrrrrr what is the problem dude???
I know of gourmands who basic purpose in life is to eat and venture out to every restaurant new in town… and they develop this credibility (gods knows from where??) to comment on what I eat or shouldn’t eat… for heaven sake’s I am not non-vegetarian nor do I eat so much rice. Nor do I prefer eating out…. So I am thinking “ UP yours!!!!!” I pay a doctor for that advice, thanks!!!
Lets hit another controversial topic considering we are talking so much about food… about being Vegetarian or turning into one…. The most educated people I know seem to have the least of the rationale to accept that Veg food is good…. and there is no NON VEG that can be cooked deliciously without using Veggies…well almost!!!
Its when you are this fancy restaurant eating Paneer that you get their “ Vishesh Tippani” more synonymous to SPIT…. It goes like this…. “ Yuccccccckkkkkkk” or “ Cheeeeeeeee” … “ Abbah I don’t how you eat that!!!! Thu”…. And there goes your appetite… but of course incase you even attempt a scowl… while fish trays or Pig…. I mean Mince is passed around you…. You are branded as being “ Fuss pot” or “ OMG. She is so uptight??” Really am I???
I am reminded of this Gujarati friend of ours who used to get the best gujju oota for our lunches during College days… Of course the entire gumbal would pounce on that one little box of Thepla and Khakra and mango pickles…. So why the frowns on vegetarians or advising like Old saints about the goodness of MEAT and evil effects or harm from lettuce, cabbage etc etc… Let me tell you… its not that 365 days in a year and the leap year… that they eat Non veg 24/7…. But such gyaan batofying sessions are inevitable during any gathering…
The next one is where even mua is guilty of… when one of your friend is dating someone or going to marry someone who you don’t think is a good match or you think is not serious or not worth a try, not in the league… We end up with bubble gums and not even giving a 2km –close-view of the person when questioned.
“ Oh you guys make such a cute couple?” … Really what’s wrong with you…? Or when you hear “ WOW!!!! You accepted the proposal for Marriage”. It’s actually “ Oh I didn’t think you would go beyond even 3 months!” So why is it that no one is ready to give a candid view when things are a little sticky… and not pleasant…. I’ve concluded it to be one reason…. “ On a general level everyone likes being popular in relationships with friends….” Coz they don’t want to be the messenger of bringing bad news that probably needs to end in the first place”.
I have heard so many such remarks like “ oh don’t feel guilty!!!” “ Oh it wasn’t worth it!!” or “It’s ok you were blind!!!” Really??? So where were you all this while to tell me I am stupid before the disaster… anyways…
This is also one of the far more frequently witnessed syndromes in our Mera Bharath mahaannnn.
The so called NRIs or the self coveted ones or the ones who just happened to step in another country for even as little as two days… give Free tutorials on “ Traffic is so pathetic here”,” People talk so loudly!!!” or… “ Oh you too have Hard rock café here?” even better is. “Why don’t you have Air conditioned homes in Bangalore?” or “Why is the service so slow??” and stuff like…. “Oh I need a spoon”. “Can you fetch me some distilled water please?”.” How do you manage in those autos?”
You know what you Pseudo Desis… we are far better rooted. So thank you very much. I am always tempted to ask them these hard-hitting questions like “ Can you ever shop in exquisite boutiques rather than from Dollar store or Wal-Mart or Penny’s… and that too from a 70% sale or during Thanksgiving?” Or “ When was the last time some one visited your Oh so beautiful studio in San Francisco?” sorry!! You said your Indian neighbour… ahhhh did she take an appointment to visit you for Black-tea?” … So “ How is it that you lived in Mumbai aka Slums for 25+ years and hung partially outside of Electric trains… If you are indeed imported Air conditioned maal???” “ Thanks for the ferrero rocher box… But I had to throw away the National market’s Price tag!!!” …… “We know the Hershey’s is from the Dollar Store!!!”…. “What is Credit rating??… You haven’t got Cable coz you don’t have a credit rating!!! I go to the ATM here and I get a credit card or a personal loan within 10 mins!”
“ Oh I am sorry did you say you have an Identity there. I thought it ended with your SSN!!!”
Seems like I can scribble at a length on this… however I do want to mention a few “my own life’s illustrations”…
How many times would you have finished a story or discussion or a chat without one or two enthu cutlets energetically interrupting correcting your grammar or smirking with the usage of a new word … or even better when one of your dear ones mock your knowledge or the lack of it on some Italian freaking cuisine… Lasagna!!! For the benefit of those who I can totally comprehend may have heard it the first time here…. Its apparently an Italian pasta casserole dish!!!! In my defense…. At the age of 21 during college days with DD channels on TV was being our affordable luxury and being introduced to indulgences like Cable TV, MTV music, CDs, Telephone was only once I was employed…. It is but natural to not know such ‘Milano- Marriano’ Delicacies!!
Majority of the Indian population still doesn’t have the access to Media, Newspapers, Radio, and Internet and many other such avenues of knowledge which are assumed as a given in the upper strata of society…
I am sorry dear friends…This doesn’t define anyone’s intelligence… although this happens to be a fav college memorabilia for yall and the only nostalgic moment of pride and joy of good old college days (5 years). Sorry doesn’t matter to me… I would be more embarrassed if I didn’t know my ethnicity dishes, a for-an-instance would be… Avvial… or Vathia Kozambhu (being a hard core Tam Bohman) and not like Mr. Milan knows what the heck “ Avvial” comprises of!!!

I am sure there are some out there reading this scribble of mine, who out of an impulsive or compulsive disorder do a Spell check of what I have written here to save their sanity!!!!! God help those first benchers, scholarship holders and IITians and IIM goers!!!! I would want to believe there are other things in perspective than being a mobile “ Wren & martin book”/ “Oxford dictionary” for others!!!!
The choice is actually individualistic I suppose! Two clears ways… Being picky insecure… or being Magnanimous!!!
With good knowledge comes Great Rationale… I still would want believe in that…. (Barring a few illustrious occurrences where we meet some who suffer from serious insecurity!!!)
For those few who think I have taken the liberty of referring you in a non-heroic manner…. Sorry guys!!!! It’s my BLOG… and finally I get to have the last laugh here :)!!! On a serious note this is more a message passed onto the restless youth these days rather than a personal reciprocation… so chill maadi :)

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