What Lies Beneath???

Often we hear people saying, “ Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. Here are the simpler Tips to partly fix the problem that neither of them understand or communicate just right!
So here we go…

What Women say and what they actually mean…
“ I loveeeeeeee surprises!!!!!!!” what she actually means is… MY birthday is nearing… so the Gift better be from one of the expensive stores we are about to visit or I am about to spell out!!!!
“ How come we never go out these days?” …. What it translates into is “ I haven’t worn my new clothes anywhere so better take me out soon!!!”
“ Do I look fat?” …Meaning…. I have done the Oh-so-famous GM Diet… can’t you even notice!! You Freak!!!!
“ My hobbies are Antique collections, traveling and shopping,”…means… I have actually decided where I am spending your Life long Bonuses, Hikes and Promotions dear!!
“ I don’t take very long to choose” meaning. “ I have already ordered for the Dress… Just pay for it!!”
“ I like trying out new cuisines in town”… Is actually read as “ you better get ready to buy me food over the weekend coz the Kitchen is officially closed!”
“ I am willing to stretch”…. Meaning I am going to on long lunch breaks … so you better not have a problem!!!
“ I like it when Men are sensitive” meaning you forgot our Anniversary last time so BEWARE!
“They make such a cute couple. They are so romantic!!” meaning…. I have heard her brag about PARIS soo much that you will go Bald if we don’t go there this summer!!
“ We need to get the Plumbing done this weekend else we will have to shell out a lot on Damages!” meaning…. “ You don’t get to watch TV this weekend!”
“Can you give me a hand in the Kitchen?” meaning “ I am not your mama to feed you in Bed so no warming bottoms at ours MR. Mama’s Boy!”
“ Why don’t we have a joint account?” meaning…. You just forget about the money you earn, you can worry once its spent!
“ I am meeting the girls from college” meaning “ Retail therapy” irrespective of no END OF SEASON SALE!!
“ I love kids!!!” means… “ I want to be the first one in the group to be married!” and I don’t care how?
“ I like the new Mall that is opened… why don’t we go there?” translates as “ I don’t quiet fancy your idea of watching movies on pirated DVDs at your friend’s place”
“ I am getting a call” meaning…. “ I am bored talking about your family tree” so please change the topic!
“ I don’t like men with Beard … such a turn off” means… “ Don’t ever give me excuse of the Barber shop being closed...ever!!!”
“I hate Gossip” … aka… “ I like being in the thick of things… its called Current affairs…. Of people who live around the vicinity!”
“ I don’t complaint at all” meaning…. “ I not only complain but I will nag you death if you don’t listen to me!!!’’
“ I am an independent woman and a together lady” means… “ We cant live under one roof with your folks or mine!!!”
“ I believe marriages are about sharing responsibilities and understanding and giving ‘space’ to each other in the relationship”…. Please read this as “ We will be discussing point by point as to the details of our daily chores e.g.: - Doing the dishes, Grocery shopping, Laundry, Bills, etc. and agree to it mutually and you cannot at any point in time shy away from any job assigned to you!”.
And what she actually means about space is “ I don’t want to hear you say ever “ Mom doesn’t do it this way!”
“ I am a sensitive individual” meaning; - “ You cannot complain or get annoyed with the fact that I use ‘Tears’ as a defense mechanism!”
“ I think you should try more bold colors and different patterns” means “ I am tired of your white and blue shirts and your faded jeans… so please don’t ever go shopping alone!”
“ You never mingle with my family, why don’t we visit them”. Actually means…. “ We are spending this weekend there… so this a warning for you to prepare for human behavior!”
“ I love Black”. Don’t know why?” Meaning- The color just makes me look a size thinner!

I guess that’s quite a bit of revelation.so why don’t we decipher what Men actually mean when they say stuff we don’t actually understand….

“ I actually like you coz you are so much like my Mom,” … women know what you mean here “ Oh no! Dude I am never bringing coffee to you at bed.. You will have to Brush your teeth” or “ I am not going to wash your dirty socks… It’s all you honey!
“ I like quite weekends” to be read as… “I hate shopping and will always do!”
“ I like Branded stuff” …. Meaning I am lazy to look around… so I will stick to simpler choices… the fewer the better!
“I am having to work late tonight honey!” meaning … “ I have a party tonight and you are not invited to it…
“ I think I am coming down with a fever” meaning… sorry “ I forgot to do the dishes!”….
“ I am missing Mom’s chicken…. “ Meaning… “ I am going over the weekend to Mum’s and you can plan yours without me!”
“ I am taking a sick leave today” is. “ I am watching the Cricket match at home… but I can’t go out with you!
“ You look so pretty today” means… “ Can we watch “Lost” today instead of one of your “ Chick flicks?”
“ Don’t carry too much luggage” meaning… “ I am sure you are going to shop for more so why make me carry the burden all around town”…
“ Can’t we pay by card?” meaning- “ I forgot to go to the ATM to draw cash”
“ I like Black” actually to be read as “ I am lazy to wash…. Light colors show dirt easily!”
“ You look nice in anything you wear … always!J” meaning …” I Actually don’t care!! While I am watching a football match”
“ Why do you have to match everything? Clothes and Bags and Shoes…” actually translates into “That’s not what Men are looking for??”
“ I have a conference this weekend, Cannot absolutely Miss it” … which is to be comprehended as “ I know your relatives are visiting so I am scooting!”
“ I can’t sing”. Meaning… “ I am genuinely not interested… so even you don’t try singing!”
“ You don’t look Fat… “ Meaning… “You couldn’t have put so much weight since last week, Can you?”
“ I don’t know what’s the difference b/w Apple green and Olive Green”. Meaning…. well! Here they actually mean that … coz Men definitely believe there aren’t more colors than VIBGYOR!!
“ I don’t like shopping with Girls” also Translated as Ditto and that I cant see you Bargain at every store every time…. For 10 rupees or their multiples! …
“ You are definitely my first and the last!” … Meaning… “ I am obviously clever enough never to let you know of the previous Flings… and Future…. Ya right… you are one hell –of –a –lifetime experience!!!”