Tuesday, March 30, 2010

schindler's List ..reverse sorts

I was trying to think of what are those few things " which are a more of a never do on my list" before i am " baghwan ko pyaare" .. here it rolls now...
for starters..... Never eat Vada pav..... esp in mumbai ...( sorry baccha log... my lil brain cant comprehend some stale bonda in dry bun!!!!!!)
then.... i would never recommend .. Parmanese cheese... in italian.... actually in anything....
never eat... Masala dosa in wanna be multi - cuisine restaurants on the way up north....
Never travel without prior booking to Bangalore from Chennai.... coz you cannot stand in KMBD bus stop let alone buy a ticket... Phew... kodos to the 20000 few who do it every day....
Never ask an accountant what he does.... i have till date never got a modest answer that ends in 20 seconds..... if you are one of those who dont suffer from a complex... trust this is the guy you should meet.... you will feel as big as your lil finger..
Never ask the IT helpdesk to resolve a query on a software that he can spell or ask him to add an additional feature to an existing access..... On this one.... the worst is when you give a model id to be mirrored... you are in soup!!. the poor modeller looses all his access and you get access to everything but what you requested for!!! ( i know ..... not all are IITians you see)
Never ask a guy if he likes it better here than delhi ... OMG .. you will get a Hoarse voiced Dilip Kumar+ Shatrugan Sinha (Eastman colored) double version of " Arreee yaar..... Dilli toh dilli hai yaar, yeh toh kuch bhi nahin.... hamare dilli mein toh sab kuch milta...arrghhh what???? can u say it in english pls... " arre wahi toh bol raha hoon???" listen na.... :)
Never Tell a guy while you are travelling abroad... you are Asian... see you always wanna stick to detail.... INDIAN.. or the next obvious look is " Do u know Osama???"
Never travel in US of A land of dreams.... without learning how to drive a car, rent a car, sit in a car, borrow a car and browsing the IE.... Everything that is that you need is your car..... or on the click of a button... sittin in your hotel!!! Now you can venture out... in the Metros and Buses... as long as you 3 times your size to match anyone who fights you.... you know just incase they demand a Dollar!!!
Never ask your manager ... why your hike is = or > PEE- NUTSS!! Your will be dazzled by his conviction to prove you wrong that you will see the 199.99 Rupees increase in your CTC ( mind you we still have TDS) as a blessing in disguise.... It can get technical..with economic reasoning on poverty line, Inflation,. recession... Bell curve.... dynamic approach..then can run through... some ready to use MTR recipes of " Virtual trainings to be completed" , " ##$%$%^^ personal skills to manage team and handle issues" proudly promoted by the overheads called " HR & training team" .... so you know... You are now regreting that your sal has increased only by 196.93 rs ( remainder in buying TIGER BALM) for the free gyaan Mr. Hari Sadu gave!!!
Never attempt an CAT, GMAT or GRE post classes forum discussion.... trust me all the first benchers from every single class and school is there to make you feel... " what on earth was i doing when i was 23 yrs old? "
Never ask anyone other than south indian to call you by name.. the north will kill it, firangs will slaughter it!!!
Never say the word " Free" or Even say " Dubai" to a guy who speaks malayalam... trust me you dont want to see.... a ration card queue. standing there and competing to talk in the same tone,accent,diction..
Never refill cool drinks with water ...during your hotel stays.... " you know they are surprisingly over smart" you cant beat that!!!
Never think of buyin a house in chennai... " It is expensive....oops sorry that was Exorbitant!!!" seriosuly this beats their Auto price shocks as well.
Never ask for Vindalooo .. dishes abroad.. " basically it is a lame attempt to make you food spicy coz you are Indian by merely spraying raw chily powder on it"
Never buy TOBLERONE .. they all know there is a super bargain store you visited with local junta in national market/ avenue road.. and are pretending it is from the International terminal...
Never say coffee in any coffee shop outside India.... It is simply strong first dikaashan..... mom makes .... without sugar and milk.... and if you want sugar ( like sweet n low or equal.... will save your pride) .. sneak it in slowly or else you will get strange " oh you should be on ATKINS diet" look!
Never miss the Spring/ Autumn/ Summer sales in Lifestyles,westsides, Shoppers stop and the other far fetched " Hi society " shopping centres.... trust me you get all the discounts you want for the designer clothes... at their actual price they should be tagged initially.. you miss one... and the other one goes on a sale- spree...:)
Never miss the free " Bakshanam" in Iyer weddings..... you cannot match the kai- murruku circles they have... and the taste is better than any A2Bs and sarvanas '''' Bhavan...
Never stop Bargaining.... cheap thrills i know....
Never ask women for directions..... ( cmon ladies ...there is a limit to equality in society and all ... just keep it off the roads!!!)
Never say you are sick on a monday ( coz may be with the stars above ...your colleague is in the next interview slot.... ;)
Never ever watch RGV movies.. I hear he beats his own record of huge budget idiocracy..
Never miss an Aamir movie...
Never miss Hot chocolate fudge ...in Com street by lanes... for 35 rupees...
Never miss the Vidhyarthi bhavan dosa.. and the Food street..... yummmmmmmmm
Never miss the ride in the London tubes. and the Egg pilav rice in 'shakira' ... in Dublin for 3 euros!!!
Never miss the dessert treat - " Tiramisu" in UK ..you get a bucket full in ASDA for jsut a few pounds... 2 or 3 may be...
Never fly KLM .... luggage capacity is always low... and they never smile.. i know pretty and all... but you still burn your pockets for excess baggage!
Never try GM diets and the hazaar VLCCs..... Vibes and the other million ... centres to shed a few kilos.. it is " Commercialised Hypnotism" which disillussions a few people with extra pounds!!!

1 comment:

  1. Ditto !!! hate vada pav ..those who claim that B'lore doesnt have good food are plain maaaaaaad !!..they need to try south b'lore - near vv bakery. I can put on 3 pounds just by walking one food street there ..